The need for compassion

Honduras changed me.

I’m sure it will be quite some time before I truly figure out all the ways in which it did, but I’ve been home for two days and my heart is so torn. Full, broken, confused, angry, excited, unsure, overwhelmed, indifferent…

My four-year-old son got in bed with me this morning, happy that I am home and there to cuddle with. He stroked my face as he always does and said, “momma, I hope your tummy feels better today, I don’t want you to feel bad anymore”. I turned to him sweetly and said, “I do too baby, I don’t know what’s causing it to hurt…but I hope it’s better today so I can play with you because I missed you so much”. He exclaimed, “it’s probably the food you ate”. “The food I ate”, I said? “Yeah mom, the food you ate while you were gone last week…it’s probably why your tummy has been hurting”. “Oh, yeah, that could be it. You are so smart”! He said, “Yeah, well, I’m losing my smartness because I don’t get to watch YouTube anymore. YouTube is what gave me my smartness, and now since I can’t watch it, I’m losing my smartness”.

This kid…if he only knew!

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Honduras countryside

I haven’t felt well since I got home. I’ve been tired, having zero desire to do anything, and pretty much have been trying to distract myself with Netflix and Facebook to keep my mind off…well, being back home. I’ve been here before. I’ve come home from a mission trip and been in a daze and it’s taken time to get back into the swing of things. I realize it’s only been 48 hours. But this time it’s different.

Every time my stomach starts to hurt, I think of Honduras. I wonder if it was the food. I wonder if my body is simply trying to adjust back to American food. I wonder if my emotions are so overwhelming that I’m subconsciously making myself ill. I wonder if I just picked up a small bug on the way home from my travels. Who knows.

Every time my kids come up to me, I get excited because I’ve missed them so much, but then suddenly so very sad, because I miss the kids in Honduras. My heart aches that I am not there to hug them and love on them and be even a fraction to them what I am to my boys a 1000 times a day.

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Some of the little ones in the children’s village

When I scroll through Facebook and see all the hate and filth and greed, it makes me sick. When I scroll and see the war going on in politics and how much hate the media has stirred up for those in Honduras, I want to scream at each person and their ignorance in what is truly going on. I want to tell them about the families I met while I was there and their loved ones who joined the caravan out of desperation to simply feed themselves. I want to tell them about the mother who was eight months pregnant and starving, who left three children behind to join the caravan and have her child on the road and who may not even be alive today, because she was desperate and searching for anything that could save her family and pull them out of the hell that they have been living in.

Honduras is so broken. The country is so corrupt. The people who live there were born into a broken system that they can’t escape and it’s not their fault. Of the 9.4 million people who live there over 66% live in poverty, that’s over 6 million human beings who are suffering on a day to day basis. That’s 1 in 5 human beings that are potentially starving, homeless, sick, being abused, neglected, and that feel hopeless.

It’s easy to turn a blind eye, to ignore it, to simply say “not my country, not my problem”. It’s easy to look at a caravan of 7000 and pictures and videos from the media and stamp “criminals” all over it and forget about the nearly 5000 in the crowd who are simply seeking refuge, food, anything…and harden your heart to human beings that are suffering.

This is what the Lord Almighty said: ‘Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another. Do not oppress the widow or the fatherless, the foreigner or the poor. Do not plot evil against each other.’
— Zechariah 7:9-10

The reality of it is, you don’t know what you don’t know and it’s hard not to base your feelings off of human emotion and the ability to only make an opinion off what you see (through the media). I did it too.

Here’s the kicker.

When I was eating lunch with an 11-year-old last week whose father is in jail for drug trafficking and mother is MIA; I tried my best to answer his questions about America, the caravan, our government, and why the only hope he’s ever known is not the shining star he thought he could always count on (America).

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Dunia, one of the 100 who has been saved. She is 3 years old and was completely malnourished just 1 year ago. 

He didn’t understand why 7000 people trying to come through a border to seek refuge, to find food, to find a job, to find hope for their families…would just be turned away…or worse. I tried to make him understand that there is a right way and a wrong way and it’s when one is done over the other, then that’s where the problems arise. But all he could see was that someone was hungry and needed to be fed.

I couldn’t argue with him.

I still stand behind what’s right and what’s wrong. I still stand behind walking through the doors and not violently knocking down walls to get in. I still stand behind protecting our home and protecting our borders, because America wouldn’t be this place of saving grace if we didn’t.

But I can’t stand behind turning a blind eye to the hungry, turning a blind eye to the poor, turning a blind eye to an entire country that is suffering and living in a continuous cycle of defeat. I know it’s not our country’s fault, I know it’s not our President’s. I blame it on the broken system in Honduras. I blame it on the prince of darkness and his desire to steal, kill, and destroy…an entire nation.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us all in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.
— 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

My hurt is hearting so badly for so many and all I can do is pray, keep loving, spread awareness, and continue to develop a relationship with those who live there. God is alive and well in Honduras and even though there is a spirit of brokenness and poverty in that nation, He will prevail, and He is the ultimate victor!

Honduras is just 1 of 195 countries in the entire world.

Just one country, with over 6 million human beings who are suffering in our world today.

I met a little over 100 beautiful souls this past week who were saved from that suffering. Who were given clothes to wear, food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, an education, and the hope of Jesus.

That’s 5,999,899 souls that are still suffering.

In just one country.

There are 7.5 billion people in the world.

Over 3 billion who live in poverty. Even in America.

However, the homeless in America are wealthy in comparison to those in other countries with access to clean drinking water, food, and shelters.

What can we do to change it?

What can we do to even put a dent in these facts and make it better?

What can we do to bring awareness to other’s who simply don’t know?

What can we do?

Have compassion.

It’s like I said, Honduras changed me. I’m still processing. I’m still praying. I’m trying so very hard to be still and see what God has in store. For me, for those in Honduras, for those in my community, for those in the church, for those in America, for those around the world.

I encourage you, to step outside yourself. Step outside your pride and your opinions and your comfort zone. Show compassion, to just one person. Then do it again, and again, and again.

If you are unsure what that looks like, I can show you. You can look Him up in the Bible, His name is Jesus.

Oh, my heart.

Stay blessed,

Beautiful Southern Heart

 

 

The problem with missionaries

Last year I was blessed to go on a mission trip to Harmons Jamaica with my local church and a group of 9 others. It turned out to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life. That’s why this year whenever the opportunity presented itself to not only go on another mission trip but go back to the place where my heart was truly transformed, just a short year before, it was a no brainer for me. I leave in just under two weeks to go back and every day that we get closer to boarding that plane, the anticipation is growing inside me like a deep hunger that before last year, I never knew existed.

Before going on a mission trip last year, I have always wanted to do so and even started to join a group a time or two but never followed through for one reason or another. As the years have gone by I have looked at mission trips as a distant desire that maybe one day would be a reality for me, but I honestly didn’t see it happening and was growing more comfortable with the idea that it never would.

It wasn’t until last year when I started preparing to go to Harmons that I started to see how the world, not as a whole, but on a much larger scale than I realized, viewed mission trips overseas. I’ve read some articles that quite frankly missed the entire point altogether and really made missionaries look like bad people. Can you believe that? A person traveling to any location, whether it be local or in another country, to help others, is seen as a bad person. Totally blew my mind and flabbergasted me. Not only did I find articles on the matter, but the more I shared my upcoming journey with others that I know and love, I too found out that they felt the same way.

Why would you go to another country to help others and share your love for Jesus when there are plenty of people in your own back yard who need help and need to hear about Jesus?

I’m not going to support you going out of the country to “serve” God when you can do it in your own back yard, you can leave me out of it.

You need help raising funds to go on a mission trip to another country, well raise it yourself, you made a choice to go then you should make the money to support it.

I’m not going to lie. Hearing stuff like this come out of the mouths of people that care about you and that you care about most, hurts. Mostly because I feel that someone should know my heart and me as a person to know why I would want to go do something like this and even at the end of the day if they don’t entirely believe in it, support me simply out of love and their trust that if it is something I feel strongly about then nothing else should matter.

Here’s the thing. I think we should be missional in every area of our lives. In our homes, in our back yards, throughout our communities, across our country and overseas. I do not think there is a boundary, time or a place that it is not okay to be missional and ultimately further the kingdom of God. I fully believe in; if there is a need to be met and I can meet it, then I should. I would want the same done for me. I do want the same done for me. I pray that God uses me as His vessel every day and that I have the courage and heart to answer Him when He calls.

As I stated before, God has been tugging on my heart for years to go on missions and to do so overseas. I’ve pushed that away and ignored it for a long time simply because I did not think that I could. But last year, sitting in church that December morning when our pastor announced the trip to Harmons and the need for a team. The Holy Spirit told me, go. After the service was over, I looked at my husband and said, I am going, God told me to. He looked back at me and said, go for it, it’s about time…and I did.

The mission trip itself was a week long, eight days if you include traveling, Sunday to Sunday, a small blimp of my life in comparison to anything else. From the moment I signed up until the day that I boarded the plane for the first time was six months, equivalently 182 days. Day 1, the moment I put my name on that list and I said yes to the Holy Spirit, God started working in me in a way that I never knew was possible. Some days were more profound than others, some days were full of battles and attacks from Satan that would be enough to make any person run in the opposite direction. But on day 182, when I stood in that circle with my team praying before we left the church, and then for the next 7 days to follow, God was opening my heart to secrets that I never knew. I walked hand in hand with Jesus for 7 days with no distractions, basking in perfect love and that is something that I would never trade for the world (or anyone in it telling me that I should).

You go on a mission trip to help others and to share your love for God and His love for the world with anyone who is willing to listen if the moment presents itself. But what I have learned is that God did more for me, changed more in me, taught me more about my heart and who I am because of Him in that week and all the months leading up to it, than I ever thought was possible in my journey to “help someone else”. He taught me more about my life, my behaviors, the world we are living in and what I can do to make a difference in those short seven days than He or anyone else did on building houses or standing in a line handing out food.

I won’t pretend that going to Jamaica is filled with a week worth of saving souls and giving back to the poor through some great need that we can fill that would completely go unnoticed if we didn’t because it’s not. It’s filled with a week of building relationships with strangers and falling in love with them over a course of 7 days. It’s building two houses for said strangers while getting to know them and their family and their culture and their love for God. It’s taking a ton of donations with us to attempt to stock a store that caters to the community with normal items like clothes, shoes, and toiletries and barely making a dent in their needs, but doing the best we can with what we can and knowing that God is going to multiply in tenfold. It’s spending a day with the lost and forgotten in a place where the sick or homeless go to die, and putting a smile on their face by just simply loving them in the moment for who they are and everything that you have that is inside you. It’s leaving my home, my children, my job, and all my comforts to attempt to be a good steward for our Lord and allow Him to use me as a vessel in whatever way that He sees fit, and if at the end of the week I do not see an ounce of evidence of a job well done, I will still be satisfied in knowing that I am just a seed planter and God is the ultimate harvester and what seeds I plant for His good, He will grow. It may not manifest itself today, it may not manifest itself for ten more years, but it is all a part of His plan and I am just thankful to be used in it.

 

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Photo Creds: Tony

 

As I sat down this morning to do my morning devotional out of the book Jesus Calling He affirmed this for me.

Seek My face and you will find all that you have longed for. The deepest yearnings of your heart are for intimacy with Me. I know because I designed you to desire me. Do not feel guilty about taking the time to be still in My presence. You are simply responding to the tugs of divinity within you. I made you in My image and I hid heaven in your heart. Your yearning for Me is a form of homesickness. Longing for your true home in heaven. Do not be afraid to be different from other people. The path I have called you to travel is exquisitely right for you. The more closely you follow My leading the more fully I can develop your gifts. To follow Me whole heartedly you must relinquish your desire to please other people. However, your closeness to Me will bless others by enabling you to shine brightly in this dark world.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
—Psalm 42:1–2

Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
—Psalm 34:5

So that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.
—Philippians 2:15

My desire to be intimate with God is greater than anything in this world and if I can find that intimacy with Him in a week in Jamaica, you better believe I am going to take it!

Stay blessed,

Beautiful Southern Heart