The difference between judging someone and holding them accountable

It is amazing what we can do and think in this world based off of what we have been told from a lie. It is even more amazing how much of us are walking around in denial believing that the lie is the truth and refusing to see anything else for what it truly is. This is the reality we live in today, and it’s sad. I am no exception to this, as much as I would love to say otherwise.

I have been talking back and forth with different people about this subject and decided it was time to touch on it from my view and what I perceive to be the truth. If what’s true for you is true for you and what’s true for me is true for me, what if one of my truth says your truth is a lie? Would it still be true?

Think about it.

If you live in the same world that I do, whether you are a Christian or unbeliever, you have at some point been in the argument or read one regarding opposing views on just about anything that someone can come up with to oppose someone else on. Some of the more popular arguments surround religion, race, politics, and health. In any case, a large majority of our population cannot disagree with someone in a calm cool and collected way without ultimately ending up with hate in their heart or a burnt bridge, all because of a matter of difference in opinion.d80125d67887cf6531dda39f4864b568

When arguments like this ensue, they might not start around religion, but almost certainly always end in it and the end result is usually that Christians are too judging and are not loving the way they are supposed to if they can’t accept the way someone else is living or behaving. I am here today to put an end to this argument and settle this once and for all, if you will let me.

My mom and I were recently discussing the difference in judging someone and holding someone accountable for their actions. The line between the two often gets blurred when someone is doing something they do not want to do and need an excuse to keep doing it and ultimately make them feel better about the choices they are making. But here is the thing that most Christians do not tell you or often leave out in the heat of the moment.

We sin too, no differently than you do. There is no greater sin than another and we all fall short of the glory of God, and that’s okay,. No matter how hard you try you are going to continue to sin because you are human and sin is in the world and we are in the world with it. The good news is; Jesus came to save us from that sin so that we do not have to be condemned by it and if we so choose, get to spend eternity with Him in Heaven. What once used to separate us from God, sin, no longer does because He sent His son to die for our sins and because of His blood that was spilled, we are no longer bound by it. Pretty amazing right?

8735fdedffc50f86276711edfaa114e0With all of that in mind, here is where the tricky part comes into play. As a Christian, you, simply put, deny yourself and choose to believe that Jesus died on the cross to save you from your sins. In believing this you are choosing to start a relationship with Him and follow the rules and instructions that He has laid out for you. This does not mean that everything you have ever done has instantly been erased. That does not mean that you are now a perfect human being with the inability to sin or do no harm. That does not mean that the you who once was will automatically become someone different.

It does, however, mean that everything you have ever done in your past has been forgiven. It does mean that you are accepting the fact that you are a broken sinner who needs a savior and will continue to sin but live your life in a way that pleases God and in doing so will over time start to sin less and less out of love and obedience for Him. It also means that although you are still who you are; through the reading of His word, prayer and beginning to walk in a close and personal relationship with Him, you will be transformed by the renewing of your mind and in that, become a reflection of Christ Himself. It also means that this is something that you have to choose every single day to do over and over again because if you do not, then your flesh will win and the picture that people have in their heads when they hear the word Christianity or Jesus will remain to be what it is today.

So what is my point? Where am I going in this “argument”?

There are many things, that we as Christians, are called to do as we follow Christ and the example He set before us. One of which is to hold others accountable for their sin so that they can to be saved from it. Not judge them for their sins so that you can feel better about yourself because you can’t and you won’t.

ef64a817b5d4d01bbf30b273a695e7dbMatthew 7:1-5 says, “Do not judge others, or you too will be judged. For in the same way that you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why would you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take that speck out of your eye’ when all of the time there is a plank in your own? If you do this, you are a hypocrite, and you should first take the plank out of your own eye so you then will see clearly enough to remove the speck from your brothers”.

That is pretty straight forward if you ask me. This passage simply states, that we are all sinners and my sin should not go unnoticed simply because someone else’s sin is apparent and out in the open. I should work on my own sins and pray for and be an example to my brother so that he can work on his too. If I do not do this and instead judge him for his sins, then I will reap what I sow and it will not be pretty.

We are also called to restore our brothers and sisters gently. Galatians 6:1-2 says, “Brothers and sisters if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves when you do, because you may also be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Again, a pretty straightforward request that gets skewed time and time again. This passage says to me if someone you know is doing something they should not be doing, as a loving friend, tell them what they are doing that is wrong. But watch out, because it is easy to get caught in the same sin with them. Regardless, we should carry each other’s burdens and support one another and in doing so we will be doing as Christ has asked us to do.

7fe53896390fe213704b7d0d50cdfa4dThe last one I am going to share with you, which is pretty stinking important, and is the one that gets messed up the most. Matthew 18:15-17 which says, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won the over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or tax collector.

God intended for us to look out for one another and to help each other when we lose our way. This passage tells us to go to our friend if they are doing something that is harming themselves and to tell them what is going on, just to them and not to someone else. If they do not want to listen to you, then try it again in front of two or more people so that the effort does not go unnoticed and you have witnesses to strengthen the argument. If they still will not listen, take the matter to the church so they can handle it there and if even then they will still not listen, then walk away because there is nothing you can do about it and you cannot let them bring you down and brought into their sin with them.

This is the moment you have all been waiting for, my point.

When someone is trying to live their life, holy and pleasing to God and they find fault with a choice that you are making in yours, it is not because they want to judge you or condemn you for what you do. They first, don’t have the power to and they know that they don’t. But more than anything, are just trying to hold you accountable for something that has been made clear to them that is not right and that is displeasing to God. If Christians watched their family and loved ones make decisions that they know are against Gods will and say nothing about it, they are no better than the person that is committing the sin. If Christians just kept their mouths shut and never told you that something you are doing is wrong and that there is a better way to live your life, the world that they too live in would soon become hell on earth, but worse, you would never get to know about Jesus.

Therefore, let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling-block or hindrance in the way of your brother. – Romans 14:13

Let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.  – James 5:20

Here is the thing y’all. God put us on this earth to love and be loved because He is love. There is not one single individual on this planet that God does not love and that He would not want to spend eternity with Him. But the cool thing is that He gave you the ability to choose, free will. He is not going to force you to love Him.  He is not going to force us to all get along or to do the right thing and because I know that, I want you to know it too. I want you to feel the same love and peace and hope and joy and blessings that I feel every single day. I want when I go to Heaven, to see you there too. But I cannot do it on my own and neither can you. Iron sharpens iron as one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17), I need you to tell me when I am in the wrong so that I can tell you when you are in the wrong and no matter what love each other through it, deal?

Stay blessed,

Beautiful Southern Heart

19 thoughts on “The difference between judging someone and holding them accountable

  1. Thank you for sharing! Finding so much healing myself daily in my writes. I wrote today with the word prompt about my first steps alone released from jail. So hard a write, I am drained. I am so grateful Jesus loves me just the same. I have the accountability I need in my journey of sobriety, and I have no call to judge. For I bask in grace! I pray for those who lack discernment. Good to see ya ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. I haven’t been doing so well in my writing, but I think it’s because of been too busy and I need to sit still and hear what he has to say. It is very therapeutic and most of everything I write is to myself. I’ll go check it out. I am sure it was humbling. Ditto girl.


  2. I was raised a Catholic but now am probably classified an agnostic. My Spanish side of the family are very religious, and we get into long discussions about religion whenever I visit. I’m in awe of their faith and in a lot of ways truly admire it. I think it gives people a lot of peace and brings a true calmness to their life when they truly believe that God has their back no matter what.

    I just can’t do it though. I can’t make the leap. I’ve read the bible back to front and cover to cover, and all it does it fill me to the brim with questions. When I ask people my questions, the answers don’t satisfy me at all. I’m not Doubting Thomas, but I am … Skeptical Simon. I don’t need to stick my hand in anyone’s side, but I do need things to make sense, at least. My questions are usually answered with strange, made-up theories before inevitably being answered by “…because that was God’s will,” and that drives me up the wall with frustration! It’s such a never-ending cycle.

    “Why [blah blah blah]?”
    “Because [blah blah blah]”
    But that doesn’t make sense. If [blah blah blah] then why [blah blah blah]?”
    “Because that was God’s will”
    “But WHY?”
    “We can’t question God’s will, we just have to trust in him.”
    “Well. That’s convenient.”

    I watched my grandmother, a deeply religious woman, die from cancer. She was so accepting. So calm. She was happy with how she’d lived her life and how she had to go. She was ready. She said that God had decided it was her time and she was okay with that. I find that level of faith so admirable. She was able to truly believe, no questions asked. She had faith in the most literal sense of the word.

    She told us to watch over my grandfather. She said he would have trouble accepting it because he wasn’t as religious. And she was right, he was deeply depressed for a time, and fifteen years later when it was his time to go he certainly raged against the dying of the light. He didn’t accept it as his time. He didn’t feel ready. He was tired, and he was lonely, but he didn’t accept death the way the love of his life had. It hurt.

    I don’t know where I’m going with this long novel of a comment except to say that I find your faith admirable. I don’t think I will ever have that same faith, but I recognise it in other people and when I see it I’m always impressed. It’s almost like watching perform an illusion; like, “but HOW do you do it?” I can never get past that. HOW people are able to believe. I understand it in theory and see it in my aunts and cousins, who are excellent catholics and amazing people, but I just don’t know how it’s done.

    I really liked this post, it was very thought-provoking (obviously! Sorry for writing a novel in the comment section!).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the response Quinn, every word of it. I wish I had more answers for you, but honestly, unless you read it on my blog or out of the Bible I don’t have much else to say. What I do know is, until you take that leap and accept Jesus into your life, then you have a veil over your eyes that is keeping you from being able to understand all that you want to. I know saying it like that sounds sort of like, you’ll have to try it to see, but it’s true. When we accept to follow Christ, his Holy Spirit is given to us and it truly brings the Bible to life, the living word. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the same bible stories over and over again and read them for myself and I always learn something new. This is because the Holy Spirt is opening my eyes and my heart to see and understand in a way that I would not be able to do on my own. It’s the best answer I have for that. Everything else, being God’s will, I don’t “understand it” either, but I know I am not supposed to and I am okay with that. I trust Him and have faith that His understanding is greater than my own and He will see me through.

      Win my first son was born He went straight to the NICU and spent the first week of his life hooked up to machines. At his 3 week checkup we found out he had a hole in his heart and that he would soon need it repaired in order to live. At not quite two months old he had open heart surgery to patch the nickle sized hole in his baby heart our hearts are the size of our fists, imagine how tiny his was and how big the hole was). Through this entire experience, I never once waivered, I never once freaked out, I was calm through it all to the point where people were a little freaked out by it. But when I was pregnant with my son and many times after he was born, I told God that he was His. He was His son and I had full trust that He would take care of him, and if he decided to take him from this world, that I was going to be okay with it because he doesn’t truly belong to me anyways, but if He allowed him to stay here and grow, that I was going to live every day giving him back to Him.

      My point to that story is that I had a perfect pregnancy, like perfect, you couldn’t even tell I was pregnant other than the bad attitude that I often had and my ever growing belly. I was completely healthy and so was he, but when he came into the world that all changed. I could have questioned God, I could have gotten angry with Him, I could have done a lot of things that ultimately left me without any control of the situation, but I chose to give it to God and let Him handle it and trust that He was going to make everything right. Even if that meant taking my son out of this world, I was going to be okay with it, even though that meant not understand why or every being able to know. Some things we just don’t get to know and somethings are just out of our control. I have found more peace in letting go of that need to know instead of running after every answer.

      Read my post on my sobriety I wrote a few weeks might give you some more insight to how I got to where I am today.

      Thanks again for the response! I love your honesty ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You see? That is amazing to me. You are amazing.

        Also, strange that your son had the sort of condition Scrubs fixes. I think that is really cool, in a way. A weird sort of connection!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Scrubs is a cardiologist surgeon? That’s so neat! Ours was amazing, it takes a special kind of person. I’ve been wondering forever why you call him Kindred Spirits.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s so cool. I bet you are, I didn’t mean to overstep asking you about him. You do mention him more than you realize in your posts. Maybe not directly in long conversations, but enough to know he is important and very much a part of who you are 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Oh he’s okay with that part (we’ve been together 8 years!) but he wouldn’t be comfortable with a post…. describing him, say. Or focused on how we met or stuff like that. You didn’t overstep at all! ☺

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Wow, that’s long than I’ve been with my husband. Does common law marraige exist in Ireland, because that’s what you’d be here.

        I totally understand, I have had a hard time writing and wanting to tell a story, but leaving people out of it (unless that gave me direct permission to and even then) because I don’t want to invade their privacy. When I wrote my testimony a couple of weeks ago, it was really hard to do that. People that know me can read it and know exactly who I am talking about in each part, but for strangers, I think I did a pretty good job at being vague, while still being able to tell my story.

        Good 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yeah I think so. We’re engaged now so will be actual marriage soon! 😶
        You did a great job with your story. You’re amazing. So proud of you my heart could burst!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right Edie, but it’s important to push forward and do it anyway, as long it is out of love. I have struggled with this plenty over the years, but I have learned to find joy in condemnation and that we are called to be set apart, even if that means doing things that aren’t fun from time to time.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve often gone down that line of thinking – judging and accountability – and I’ve landed where you did. It’s not judgmental to speak the truth in love! It could save their soul! Thanks for being brave enough to address this controversial topic! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I went back and forth on if I should write this or not. Mostly because I didn’t want to be judged! Ha! Ironic right! But yes, so true! I prayed about it before during and after and I knew that it was important so I just did it! You’re welcome girl, I am glad you liked it!


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