Things have been a little crazy for me lately. There are so many things I wish I could just pour out to you all and get off my chest, but I know that I cannot, because it is not mine to tell. But it is weighing on me and normally the light at the end of the tunnel would have appeared by now. Normally the break in the clouds where there is just a tiny glimmer of the sun would be present. By this time, even though it is still gloomy and cold, a rainbow would appear signaling that it is over and we can come out now. But it has not happened, and I am starting to feel like it never will.
I celebrated my birthday this past weekend, the whole weekend. It was great! On Friday I went to an eat, paint, drink party with ten lovely women who I am so insanely blessed to know and call my friends. I actually had to point out to them how lucky I am that I can say that. I know 10 people who love me, not just love me, but like me and want to spend time with me. Each one of them has been in my life for either all of it or a significant amount of time where I feel like I am winning because they are still here and most likely will not be going anywhere anytime soon or they probably would have already.
Saturday I drove to Dallas with my family and we went to the aquarium and then later attended a Mavericks game, it was pretty sweet too. The simple blessings of being able to make memories with them doing something none of us had ever done before and enjoying being around each other. We came home Sunday, my actual birthday, and I spent the entire day being lazy. That night my brother and his girlfriend came over, along with my mother and my sister, and we just hung out and spent time with each other (which we do not often do anymore).
I received a bunch of amazing gifts from my friends and my boss. Which all were a reflection of who I am and what I love most, which was really special and I am so thankful for. Yet, even after all of that amazing wonderfulness that I experienced and that I received, I was singed with sadness. A sadness that I have absolutely no control over and I wish I could make go away, but right now it is just not going to, and I am afraid to find out how long it is going to take before it does.
For all of you, that know me personally do not freak out. I am fine and I will be because I got Jesus and you know this. But I am struggling with what to do next, where to go from here and how to keep my spirits up in the meantime. If I did not have Jesus I honestly do not know what I would do. Thank God, for Him. Every time I turn around and something little should crush me, God shows up and shows out and says NOT TODAY! Keep your head up baby girl. We are going to get through this. Just trust me and keep your eyes on me and all will be well.
I was on the way to work this morning jamming out to KVNE and listening to the morning show. A lady called in to request a song and before she said goodbye they asked if they could pray for her, she said yes, and they did. Right there on the spot before they played the next song, which was Praise You in the Storm, by Casting Crowns. I cried and lifted my hands and praised him through my storm, all the way to work.
God is good y’all.
Beautiful Southern Heart